2017. The year that I found a 7 by 8cm bald patch whilst home from uni, IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPOONS🤣
Yep, this gal found a huge bald patch in the middle of a packed pub.
It was February.
Some weirdo had opened the window even though it was freezing. I felt the cool air blow through my hair.
Something felt off, I could feel each individual hair touch my scalp on a particular part of my scalp.
I ran my hands through immediately and could feel bare skin. I turn to my bf & ask him why it feels soo weird on my scalp and if something was there. his jaw drops and in shock, he blurts out “OMG YOU’VE GOT A BAULD PATCH”, we laugh about this moment now but at the time I was in a total panic of shock. Across the table was my mother whose jaw also dropped and then she blurts out “YOU’VE GOT ALOPECIA…”✨
I had never heard of alopecia before.
Immediately my whole body started shaking and I could feel my nails digging into my palms. I’ve always had some level of anxiety but never anything that stopped me.
But the discovery of alopecia clicked a switch in my brain that took me a while to reset. I couldn’t stop thinking about my alopecia.
I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts.
especially the ones about going completely bald.
My eczema exploded to full body instead of localized.
I sat there crying myself to sleep most nights.
I could not sleep until I was physically exhausted.
I had daily panic attacks which seemed to have no trigger other than feelings of complete loss of control of my body.
I sat there crying thinking am I going to be bald and flakey forever?
I just felt this pure stress feeling of constant impending doom.
Constantly hearing there was no cure but X, Y &Z “may help” left me feeling helpless… Due to this total loss of control of my hair and eczema, I started to not show up at certain uni lectures and struggled to get out of the house. I ended up opening up to a lecturer and she marched me straight to the head of my university school department and got me an emergency counseling appointment and plan and also emailed all my lecturers to say I was given extenuating circumstances for all modules, without that strong-minded boss bish of a lecturer I genuinely think I would have dropped out!
truly it was one of the darkest times of my life. I wasn’t my usual happy self. I was lost and felt completely alone, I put on a front of fake happiness but the reality was I genuinely felt suicidal. I’ve never spoken about this and tbh still fear talking about it now.
I never tried anything but I was having extremely dark thoughts. I’m sharing this to say, hey it does get better and one day you’ll look back and be glad you had someone telling you it’s time to talk to a professional.
Today I am that person telling you.
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