Wee Doe decided it was her time to slip away on Friday. I had the most amazing week alone with both her and my grandpa, cooking their every meal, and running around doing tasks that brought her pure joy. unbeknown to me these tasks would be the last I would ever do.
Finding her she looked so peaceful, she simply had slipped away in her sleep. I feel a sense of calm knowing our last words were ones of such joy and love. I gave her kisses on both her cheeks and forehead and told her as always when saying goodnight seee yaaa in the morning.
She was so excited for the morning as I had taken annual leave to order her new clothes and do some more sorting and clearing. Being housebound the small things like rearranging and making it all perfect really brought her such joy. Instead, I found myself calling an ambulance and the undertaker. This is the first time I have ever lost someone so close to me. Even writing this now starts the tears again.
One of the hardest parts of being the person who finds an elderly relative dead is continuously being the bearer of bad news. Calling up your loved ones and telling them that their loved one is gone. Absorbing and listening to the same heartbroken reaction to a sudden but not totally unexpected death.
I finally understand grief fully. The smallest thing can bring on tears, a cup of tea with two sugars, a kitchen roll, or the seat across the table being empty.
This is going to be tough. But I am well supported and now giving my grandpa extra goodnight kisses and now always remember to end any phone call with an I love you.
I am sorry If I haven’t replied to messages, I promise you I am reading them. I’ll be back when I am ready.
DOREEN ELEANOR CHARLOTTE MACKIE
For now, I’ll sign off by saying,
BIG LOVE,
Katie xx
Itch N Bitch 